Judgement Day
by Trivette Lover Heather
Summary: Individual Series of Tags to the Season Five Finale.
1. This May Have Been More Merciful

AN: Well fans…NCIS family. I would like to express my regrets to Jibbs Fans who hoped something more would come of their relationship on the show. But alas, change is never easy. As I do the TAGS for this finale, I promise that I will do Jen justice. She will be missed; there is no doubt in my mind.

Lastly, I would like to dedicate this first TAG to: elfordmistress.

And send out hugs to Jibbs fans everywhere.

_--_

_As difficult as it is to say, this may have been more merciful… - Ducky to Gibbs  
_

_--_

His footsteps into autopsy were slow and deliberate. An array of emotions were running through his mind; from anger to grief to guilt. He had just been told his team was being separated but instead of starting World War III, his mind was somewhere else. He heard the doors slide close behind him and swallowed hard. Seeing Kate's body wasn't any easier or any harder just different. He had loved Jen, once. The kind of love you don't forget. The kind of love that gave him butterflies each time he saw her and the kind of love that inevitably leaves you with regrets.

He opened the door where he body lay, then closed it. As he did he shut his eyes tight and pictured her face the last time he saw her alive. He had given her a trying smile as he watched her leave for the night, silently wishing she wouldn't be gone for too long. He envisioned himself running after her into the elevator and not letting her leave until he told her everything he'd always wanted to. But then he opened his eyes and the chilling reality hit him hard. He reached for the handle a second time and took in a deep breath as he grabbed the slab and slid it out; as if tearing off a band aid. He wanted to slam his fist into the steel but knew it would only be a momentary distraction to the emotional pain he was feeling in that moment. He reached for the top of the sheet and slowly and deliberately unveiled her face…his eyes were closed and he gradually lifted his eyes lids to take in the sight. It was in the moment he saw her that he let out a sob that was deafening in the silence of that room.

"I'm so sorry Jenny…so sorry." He paced around to stand behind her and leaned down to place a soft kiss on her forehead. "I missed you then Jen…and I'll miss you now." He reached for the sheet but found himself struggling for minutes to cover her. It was then a comforting hand enclosed his and helped him do what he couldn't. And it was the sound of the door clasping shut that sent Jethro into a bit of tears. He fought it. Fought it hard. But it came. The pain, the regret, the love. It came. His old friend reached out for him in that moment and let Gibbs face bury itself in his chest. He wrapped his arms around him gently and shed a few tears himself.

"She loved you."

Gibbs tried to nod as he eased himself away from the embrace.

"And I loved her."


	2. I'm Afraid I'm All Out of Secrets

_**Ducky: **__I know that look Jethro, I'm afraid I'm all out of secrets._

_--_

Gibbs entered autopsy with his fury barely contained; after a few choice words with Leon.

"Duck…a word."

The Doctor had only stopped in his cold office momentarily and was surprised to have a visitor. "Something wrong Jethro?"

"Cant you read my looks?"

Ducky shrugged and examined him for a moment. "What's happened?"

"Vance is reassigning my team…but that's not why I'm here."

He gasped and threw his hands up. "He did what?"

Gibbs ran his hand over his face. "Why didn't you tell me?"

Ducky stared into his friends eyes and recognized the anger. The anger he'd only seen once on that rainy street not that long ago. "My word."

"She's dead…you're off the hook."

He shook his head. "I wanted to tell you."

"But you didn't."

"My intentions were noble."

"Your intentions were crap…"

"You asked her…she lied to _you_. Why?"

Gibbs was taken aback as the questions were now directed at him. "She was complicated."

"Ah yes, you two would've been a match made in heaven."

Gibbs closed the distance between them. "If you had, I could've had a chance to say goodbye."

"If I had, you wouldn't have taken that chance."

"And you know this how?"

Ducky pointed up at him. "Because I know you…and you, though loyal till the very end, do not do goodbyes well…"

Gibbs shifted his weight and took in a deep breath. "Doesn't matter now."

"Then why'd you come down here?"

"Cuz I'm angry."

"Then hit something…"

Gibbs resisted the urge to do just that and calmed himself down a bit. "Buy you a drink?"

Ducky nodded and reached for his coat. "How about two?"


	3. Jenny are you there?

_**Gibbs**__: Jenny…Jenny, you there?_

_--_

"Boss…"

"DiNozzo? What the hell are you doing answering her phone? Put her on."

Tony swallowed hard. "Cant."

"Then have her call me back ASAP."

Tony anticipated the hang up and almost yelled the next phrase. "She can't because she's dead boss." He closed his eyes and awaited the slew of questions he knew were inevitable. Only none came. "Boss…I'm…" And all heard was silence as the phone call ended.

--

Gibbs set his phone down and shattered all the objects closest to him. When all his energy was gone, he slid his back down the side of his boat and shed a few quiet tears, before grabbing his phone and racing out his front door.

"I'm on the first flight out DiNozzo…secure the scene…"


	4. I'm Sorry

_**Ziva:**__ I'm sorry Gibbs, we are sorry_

_-_

_**Leon:**__ I'm sorry Jethro_

_-_

_**Ducky:**__ Jethro…_

_**Gibbs**__: Yeah I know Duck…_

_-_

_**McGee**__: Boss, I'm sorry._

_-_

_**Mike**__: I'm sorry Gunny_

_--_

"It's better to seek forgiveness than to ask permission."

He threw back another shot as he spoke rule by rule into the air. With each one he attached a memory of her; in a vain attempt to erase them. The logic was simple; no memories; no pain.

"Never screw over your partner." His head titled back for another as he remembered the memory that resulted in that rule's creation.

"Don't believe what you're told. Double check." He lifted up the glass and swallowed it slowly. The burning sensation somehow offering him a minimal distraction. "So you loved me Jen? That's what everyone keeps saying..." he poured another and closed his eyes as the room started to spin. "Everybody keeps saying sorry…when they know damn well how I feel about it…" He swallowed hard and continued to look upward. "To hell with my rules..." He lifted the bottle and threw it downward to the basement floor…the shattering sound almost comforting. He spent the rest of the night, repeating one rule over and over as tears accompanied him…

"Never take anything for granted."

Ever.


	5. Stories On My Boat

_**Mike:**__ He came back didn't he?_

_**Jen:**__ He came back for the job_

_**Mike:**__ Well that would explain all the conversations we had on my boat, you know about the job…_

_--_

"So this Lady Director…not your type?"

Gibbs cast out his line and smiled. "Oh believe me, she is."

"What held you back Probie?"

"Apparently I wasn't _her_ type."

Mike shook his head in disbelief. "That's a load of crap and you know it. You just gotta watch you two for a second to see it…what in the world stopped you from making her ex number four?"

Gibbs smiled. "_She_ did. I just told you."

"Tell me about it…"

He took a sip of his beer and leaned back. "Well, there was this one time on a stake out…"


	6. Dear Jethro

_Dear Jethro..._

_--_

He reached down into her trash can to find a few crumbled sheets similar to the blank one in his hand.

_When you read this, you'll be asking yourself the why questions. Why I had to go? Why I never told you? Why I lied? I'm not writing this to answer those questions, or offer apologies. I know how you feel about that. I'm writing to share with you how precious our relationship had been to me. After meeting you I compared every man I came across to the way you had made me feel. You can smile…that was a compliment. _

_When I knew I'd be assigned to NCIS, the butterflies never stopped. I wasn't nervous about the job, the responsibility or even being the first woman to have a position like it. I was nervous about seeing you every day. And to be honest, even after two years on the job, I still was. When you were hurt in that explosion, I'd never been more confused. It took everything in me not to love you the way I had in Paris…But I resisted. I resisted because I was scared. I resisted because I didn't know what I wanted. And as time begins to creep up on me, there is no one thing I regret more than that. _

_Maybe we could've continued that whirlwind romance, and married. Maybe had children. Drove into work with each other every morning. I would drive of course. You can smile at that too. _

_But perhaps it wasn't meant to be. Maybe God wanted to spare you the inevitable loss that he foresaw you experiencing. Maybe now it's easier to lose me, knowing you didn't have my whole heart, just a part of it. A part that I will never regret giving over to you. Ever. _

_I know you're gonna be strong through all of this and I commend you for that. But don't forget to feel Jethro…no matter how scary it may seem. Be happy and keep being the amazing man that I fell in love with so many years ago…_

_Don't miss me. Don't cry. Just love someone the way we never got to love each other. And she will be the luckiest woman on earth. _

_When you remember me, I hope you smile. _

_Just know, I loved you then and I always will._

Au revoir,

_-Jenny_


	7. And Now Jenny's Dead

_**Tony:**__ We should've tailed her, Ziva wanted to tail her_

_**Gibbs:**__ Yeah why didn't ya?_

_**Ziva**__: We were given an order_

_**Gibbs:**__ And you followed it_

_**Ziva:**__ And now Jenny's dead_

--

"Where the hell do you think you're going?" Gibbs shouted towards Tony who was gathering a few of his things.

"Following orders."

"Look where that got you before."

Tony glared up at him for a few moments then nodded. "Yeah." He tossed the stuff into his bag and threw it over his shoulder. "Well I'm shipping out bright and early…got a lot of packing to do. Send me an email sometime."

Gibbs walked behind and entered the elevator behind him. "This isn't over."

"It was over the minute I found the Director…let it go boss. I deserve this assignment." Gibbs reached behind his head and Tony maneuvered to avoid it. "I don't have to take those anymore."

Gibbs took a step back and flipped the power switch. "You want this assignment?"

Tony nodded. "I do."

"You don't."

"I know you read minds and all, but this time you're wrong."

Gibbs shook his head. "No. I'm not..." he examined him for a few seconds. "You're feeling guilty. And think that running away from here is gonna make it go away. Well coming from the guy she died to protect, it won't help Tony."

"She may have died to protect you, but it was my job to protect her…I failed. When you fail there are consequences. I need to accept that."

Gibbs nodded. "That's noble…but stupid. You belong here."

"Give me a one good reason."

Gibbs took a step towards him. "For yourself."

"Come again?"

"For your own good."

"You mean for _your _own good." Tony shot back with a smile. "Face it boss. Having me here is like a drug for you. I'm like the kid you never had…I listen and follow you blindly. I never question, I'm the perfect little soldier. Well, this little soldier is getting ready to ship out."

"The hell you are."

Tony reached for the power switched and flipped it. "Not up to you."

Gibbs stood there in silence until the doors opened. "Stay for me."

Tony looked back and smiled. "Why?"

"Do you need anymore of a reason that?"

"This time I do."

Gibbs shook his head and hit a button in front of him. "Then maybe you do you need to go." The elevator doors began to slide shut when a black bag was placed in between them. "Change your mind?"

Tony sighed and stepped into the elevator with his arms wide and pulled his boss into a reluctant hug. "No…just wanted to say goodbye."

No words could express what was shared between their stare as the elevator doors closed. Tony was right, with choices came consequences. And with consequences came regret. And that was one emotion; Leroy Jethro Gibbs was becoming more and more familiar with.


	8. Jenny Died Protecting Someone

_**Mike:**__ Jenny died protecting someone._

_**Gibbs**__: Who?_

_**Mike**__: You. _

--

Gibbs slipped into the shower and let his head fall against the wall as the water washed over him. If he was crying, he couldn't tell. All he knew for sure was the pain in his chest was getting stronger. He kept playing it over and over in his mind..

"_She knew what she was getting into...her last stand was to protect you."_

"_Jenny died protecting someone." _

"_You."_

He slammed his hand against the wall and turned the handle to stream the water hotter. As it did, it barely fazed him, his eyes closed as he remembered.

"_Jenny's dead..."_

_-_

"_You think you can protect them forever Gibbs, you're mistaken. There's already been one casualty they'll be more."_

The steam that had started to billow was now so thick he could barely see. He turned the handle as far as it would turn and stood still as the scorching water hit his skin. The pain may have been a distraction, but a necessary one. Just when he'd thought he'd gotten over the twinges of guilt that crept up on him over his family…over Kate…there it was again. Only this time with more force than before. Because this time he was also plagued with regret. He'd loved his family and told them more times than he could remember. He'd loved Kate, and expressed his gratitude every way he knew how. But Jenny, he had lost her once and tried to forget…then even with a second chance, he wasn't able to express what he hadn't stopped feeling since the moment he met her…

The heat had started to fade as he continued to remember, his tears hidden within the streaming water…

"_You lost your protection detail in Paris. You went missing for 21 hours, where were you?"  
"You sound like a jealous husband." "How would you know?"_

"_Don't touch that! Its scotch you drink bourbon."  
"So do you."  
"I had another visitor, before you arrived unannounced".  
"Did he duck out the back?"  
"Now you do sound like a jealous husband."_

_  
_He tried to smile but couldn't. His mind wouldn't stop…

"_Once upon a time I would have asked you to stay and I wouldn't have taken no for an answer."  
"__No.'  
__**"**__What__ happened, Jethro?"  
"__You made a choice."  
"__I had to do what was right for me. I still do."_

The water began to get cold and he quickly reached to turn it off. He then let his head lay once again against the wall and slowly shook it from side to side.

"I wish you hadn't Jen…oh how I wish you hadn't."


	9. Get Yourself A Probie Snack

_**Tony:** You deserve a Probie snack…get you one. But not from my desk, use the vending machine._

--

"What do you want Tony?" He snapped his head up as he started to clean a few things out of his desk.

Tony was holding a few candy bars. "Peace offering."

He sighed. "Sorry I snapped like that…I just can't believe we're breaking up. Just like that."

Tony patted his shoulder and set the snacks down on his desk. "When life hands you lemons Probie…"

Tim swallowed hard as he realized he may never be called that again. "I don't like lemonade."

Tony smiled. "Listen, about yesterday, when we got back…our little stare down…"

McGee put his hand up. "Say no more Tony…believe it or not, I'm gonna miss that."

"What? Me abusing you?"

Tim smiled and was wistful for a moment. "I'm gonna miss a lot…especially that."

Tony paced back to his desk and handed him a magazine. "You can keep it. I read all the articles already…"

He picked it up and smiled. "Why this one?"

"Cuz it's the one you were reading at my desk when you said you weren't. Let it be a reminder that I know all…"

They shared a laugh and the bull pen seemed to quiet right at that moment.

"Do me a favor while I'm gone would ya?"

"Anything."

Tony couldn't help but smile, then it suddenly softened as he looked at the empty desk across from them. "Check in on the boss now and then…"

Tim nodded. "Will do."

Tony put out his hand and McGee took hold of it immediately. "Good thing you're going instead of me…I wouldn't last a day on that boat…"

"Ship…"

"Whatever."

They released hands and Tim watched as he grabbed the last of his things and waved. He watched the elevator doors close and sat down at his desk slowly. He ran his hand through his hair and took in a long labored breath. "Goodbye Tony…"


	10. She Died Alone

_Tony: She died alone_

_Ziva: We are all alone_

_Tony: Yeah, thanks for that._

--

"What are you doing here?" Tony asked as he stepped aside for her to come in.

Ziva shrugged. "I'm not entirely sure."

Tony pointed to his living room table, that was little with empty beer cans. "I hate to drink alone…"

She sighed. "At least this time you're not in the dark."

He smiled. "I flipped the switch when you knocked."

"Have you stopped thinking about it yet?"

Tony unconsciously scratched his head. "Uh, come again?"

"Finding the Director…have you stopped think about it?"

He shook his head. "Beers good…but it doesn't work miracles."

"It was not our fault yes?"

"Uh what that a double negative?"

She sighed. "It was not our fault."

"Sure, whatever you say." He reached for another can of beer and opened it before handing it to her.

"I am not thirsty."

He motioned for her to take it. "It may not work miracles, but it's a start."

She took it reluctantly and watched Tony take a seat on his couch and pat the cushion beside him with his hand. She contemplated sitting anywhere but there, then remembered what a day they'd had.

"Have you packed?"

Tony stifled a laugh. "Have you?"

She shook her head. "I do not want to go."

"Well, you cant always get what you want."

"Movie line?"

"Song actually…" he took a sip and moved in a bit closer to her. "We can play hooky tomorrow…stay up late…sleep in and claim our alarms didn't go off?"

"Not a good idea…"

"Come on, what's the worst that could happen? They fire us? I feel fired already."

She examined his expression and couldn't help but laugh at his logic. "I admire your sense of humor; don't know if I ever told you that.'

"No…I'm pretty sure you haven't. I'd remember that." He smiled. "So what do you say?"

"Why? It is nothing but a temporary solution…"

"So we won't be alone…at least tonight." He replied by gently moving a strand of hair away from her face.

"It will only make me miss you more."

He swallowed hard. "I miss you already."

She leaned in hesitantly. "Israel is not too far…you could come visit yes?"

He smiled as he saw her come in closer. "Yeah…and you can swim right? If not, I'll throw out a life raft…"

Just as she started to smile his lips met hers…and time itself seemed to stop. They made the night last as long as they could; and when morning came…no alarm clocks were heard.


	11. You Were Gonna Go For That

_**Mike:** "You were gonna go for that (gun) weren't you Probie?"_

--

Gibbs clenched his pistol in his hand and removed and inserted the clip so many times he'd lost count. His mind flashed to the sound of the bullet firing and his body jolted a bit as he slammed the clip into its chamber a final time.

_You were gonna go for that weren't you?_

Could he of silently hoped to join the rest of his team in their final resting place? Why was he the only one who survived? Why was he always the one who survived?

Shannon…Kelly…

Lt. Cameron…

Kate….

Jenny…

"No." He shook his head and set his pistol aside. Grabbing a hold of a close picture frame and holding it tight to his chest. He clung to it for dear life as he fought back the tears fighting their way through. "Marines don't cry." He glanced at the picture of his Father and swallowed hard. "I'm not gonna cry pops…wont change a thing right?" He set the frame aside and picked up his pistol once more. The same barrel that had stared up at him years before. The last time he'd felt cheated out of saying goodbye…cheated out of happiness…cheated out of love. He stared down the barrel as if it was an abyss of sorrow…his sorrow.

He flipped the safety and watched a wet tear drop fall into the barrel. He almost smiled. "Marines don't cry pops…but they don't give up either." He tossed the gun aside and took in a long labored breath before standing up and saluting no one. "Semper Fi…"


	12. Not Your Fight

_**Gibbs**__: It's not your fight Mike…_

--

Gibbs held out his hand and tried to smile. "Guess this is goodbye…again."

Mike took his hand. "Invitation is always open…"

"Ditto."

A few moments of silence passed between them as they stared intently into the others eyes.

"I don't want to have to come bail you out again…so make sure you tie up those loose ends from now on…clear?"

Gibbs nodded. "Crystal boss."

"Good…" he reached from for his bag and smiled. "And by the way…any fight of yours is a fight of mine Probie…"

It was then the first real smile he'd shown in days ran across his face. "I'd take you on my side any day."

Mike returned the smile. "Who wouldn't?"

They shared a quiet laugh and Gibbs watched as the car drove out of sight; silently wishing it'd be the last battle the two would ever have to fight. Because the more you fight…the more chance you have to lose…


	13. Its Okay

"_Its okay, Abby its okay…"_

--

Tim held her close as she cried. "It's okay…"

She looked up at him and smiled. "Lying to me won't make it hurt any less Tim."

"Sorry…"

"Apologizing wont either."

"Then what do you want me to say?"

She shook her head and laid her head on his chest. "Nothing…just hold me."

He tightened his arms around her. "I'm holding you."

"Hold me."

"I'm holding you."

"Never let go."

Tim swallowed hard at the request and wasn't sure how to reply, so he didn't with words. He gently kissed her forehead and reassured her with his firm embrace.


	14. What Changed?

_**Mike:**__ What changed?_

_**Gibbs:**__ Me…I taught her how to accept, none of that came natural for her_

_**Mike:**__ Girl cared for you; she had a lot of regrets_

_**Gibbs:**__ We all do_

--

"Don't let it eat you up Probie."

Gibbs nodded. "Noted."

He cleared his throat and reached for a cigarette. "You know what the funny thing about regret is?"

"No."

"It's useless…unless you use it."

Gibbs managed a smile. "That's deep Mike…"

"You either dwell on what you didn't do…or learn from it Probie…we're never too old to learn new tricks."

He put out his hand. "I'll remember that the next time I'm playing fetch."

Mike took his hand and smiled. "Keep your head up…I'll see ya when I see ya."

Gibbs gripped his hand tighter. "By the way…thank you…"

He nodded. "Don't thank me…I haven't got to shoot anyone in over a year…felt good." He reached for his bag and gave Gibbs a soft head slap then tapped his finger under his chin. "Remember what I said…"

Gibbs smiled and waved. "I won't stop now."

Mike didn't respond and slipped into his car with ease. Maybe he hadn't imparted all the wisdom to him he should have over the years…then he remembered his own advice. Regret is useless, unless you use it. And use it he would, from that moment on.


	15. Always Is Abs

_**Abby**__: I __don't have anything for you_

_**Gibbs**__: You will_

_**Abby**__: I will and it will be my best work _

_**Gibbs:**__ Always is Abs_

--

"Abs really…you can go down to your lab now." He tried to be polite as he shot her a tired smile.

Abby had been sitting on the floor beside his desk for the last hour.

"I'm good thanks." She put down her magazine for a minute and got up on her knees. "How are you? Do you need anything? A refill on your coffee? A shoulder massage? A hug?"

Gibbs smiled and put out his hand to help her up. "Abs. I'm fine. Really."

She patted herself off and cupped his face in her hands for a moment. "You are not fine Gibbs...it's been one day. Not even you can forget that easily."

"I haven't forgotten, but I got a job to do Abby…and so do you." He pointed towards the elevator and listened to her sigh in response.

"Fine…but let it be known that I'm doing so in protest."

" Noted."

She reached for her things and slowly but surely left the bull pen, but not before looking back at least five times. It was relatively quiet for a while, until Gibbs phone began to ring off the hook.

"Yeah, Gibbs."

"Hey it's me…just wanted to see if you needed anything?"

"Abs…I was fine five minutes ago…and five minutes before that…now please, believe me. If I need anything, I know where you are."

The hours passed by slowly and Gibbs found himself feeling a bit alone. He'd had paper work to keep him busy but with no team until tomorrow, he realized he may have been in need of something after all. He collided with her the instant he stepped into the lab. "Going somewhere Abs?"

She shook her head. "Nope, I've just been waiting by the door for you…"

"For three hours?"

She nodded as if it was nothing and hugged him tight. "What can I do for you?"

He smiled and released her with an arm still wrapped around her waist. "I need a solution."

Abby shrugged. "To get 'em back?"

Gibbs nodded and watched her jump up and down a bit. "Think you can help?"

She nodded and reached for his hand to pull him towards her computer. "What do you have in mind?"

"Whatever it takes."


	16. Utterly Distasteful

_Ducky: I find this whole business utterly distasteful._

_--_

He picked up a novel he'd been meaning to start, then set it down. He switched on the television and found everything he saw disinteresting. He found himself standing in the door way of his Mothers bed room and watched her sleep. What he'd planned on doing for a few minutes, turned into hours. After which he tarried downstairs for some brandy and a gander at some old photographs. He smiled as he flipped through the Marine Corp Ball, and how pleasant an evening it had been. And though he normally reserved speaking into thin air for his corpses, he modified his practice just this once. He lifted the photo of them together and kissed it gently.

"My dear…you were taken from us too quickly. I find myself filled with regret and questions with no answers. As so often happens with death, our eyes are opened too late. I find myself lucky to know your secret, but also feel a bit cheated as I still managed to defer my goodbye until later. And now it appears; later came sooner than I'd imagined…You know, I never told you this, but that night I accompanied you, was one of thee most joyous nights I've ever had. And I've had many in my storied life... I am sorry for not telling you then…but I suppose better late than never I'm afraid." He took the photo with him as he headed upstairs for bed. He slipped out an old photo and replaced it with the one in his hand. It would be a constant remember to say the things you want to say, even if you think you'll always have the chance to.


End file.
